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  • michellelisenbee

I've allowed myself to wither.....

I've been feeling off and out of sorts all day today. Like a stranger in my own life. A heaviness. A hollow ache in my belly. A longing and pull toward something I can't name. Irritable and snappy. On the verge of tears. Wanting to both sink into myself and visit somewhere new. Restless and exhausted.

I bought a glucometer recently and have been checking my blood sugar every morning for the past week or so. It's not diabetic level, but higher than it should be, so I've cut back on sweets. I know that for me, sugar withdrawal is real. I'm sure that is playing a part in this.

But...I also realized it's been weeks since I've... ...walked by the river. So I did that just after dawn this morning. And it was good. ...been able to go to in-person church. We had the opportunity to go today, so we did. And that was good, too. ...put color on a canvas, other than to finish the edges of a piece I did months ago. So I did that this afternoon and it was good. ...actually taken the time to plan meals and do food preparation for the week ahead. I did some of that this weekend as well. ...had some time away alone. I did not do that today, and honestly I don't know when it will be possible.

Solitude, silence, art, writing, worship, nature, healthy food, water in and around me....all these are things that nourish my body and soul and I haven't made time to do them regularly enough. I think my mood today is a reminder that I can only go so long without them before I start to wither...which isn't good for me (or anyone around me).

I want to be as good at tending to my own nourishment as I am at meeting the needs of others. Recognizing what happens when I neglect to fill myself is a first step I suppose. What fills you up? And how do you recognize when your tank is running on empty

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